A Journey of 89 Pounds

Unfortunately, my habit of getting overly excited about new ways and ideas of how to lose weight, AGAIN blew up in my face … I don’t want to sound discouraging, but I think I went a little overboard with all of my “30-day Trial” behaviors. And the way I set it up, (for disaster…) made it so that if I messed up one thing (say, the early rising thing) my WHOLE ENTIRE DAY was shot and then I screwed up everything else.

Now it’s behind me … and it’s a new month. For the month of August I will vow only one thing: To take the advice of my Nutritionist … and STOP THINKING ABOUT THINGS SO MUCH! Oh, I also promise to give myself a little credit for the things I do well … and stop focusing on the negative.

So, here’s to starting off the month right … Today I ran for 20 minutes and walked for 35. I also went grocery shopping and got lots of veggies. I spent my Friday evening cooking myself healthy meals for the entire week. They’re all in the fridge now. I ate right all day. No alcohol, no sugar, no caffeine, no red meat.

Tomorrow is judgement day … The weekly weigh-in. But I’m excited. I’ve got nowhere to go but up!

So I leave you with a final thought as we embark on the beautiful new month of August …
“It is our attitude at the beginning of a a difficult task, which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.”

So all is going according to plan!
I participated in all of my “30-Day Trial” behaviors (see Blog #1)
… except for 1 …
I was tired this morning after getting up at 4:45 (per my 30-Day Trial promise) and just couldn’t bring myself to go for a 20 minute run.
I had to work a double shift from 12pm - 12am. According to plan, I packed a healthy lunch.
Luckily, I live only about 1 mile from work. At work I kept thinking about how I had flaked on the run and was so disappointed in myself for having messed up my plan on only the second day in.
Though I don’t usually get a lunch break long enough to leave work, I manipulated my work so that I could leave around 6:30pm for 45 minutes. I rushed home, quickly changed, and RAN for 20 minutes before quickly changing back and rushing back to work!
Thus, I have completed Day 2 with flying colors!!!
Yeah, I’m pretty proud of myself!

Food Log

Exercise Log

I’ve always been focused on my weight, (sometimes to an unhealthy point) and I have a pattern of gaining during particularly stressful times, but today I am definitely in the WORST SHAPE EVER. Now my Doctor has started me on blood pressure medication and recommended I start meeting with a nutritionist. What happened to me???

I’m in law school and also recently ended a very dysfunctional relationship, but really, is that an excuse to just completely give up on life? I mean, now it’s not just about vanity anymore … this time my life is on the line!

As a child, I had a very high metabolism and would need only to THINK about losing for the weight to drop off. (Looking back, many of the times I did this, I did not need to lose weight.) But as I’ve gotten older, and after years and years of physical and emotional abuse, it is very difficult for me to lose anything. Furthermore, a severely low self-esteem has zapped any motivation left.
Today I weigh 216. This is an all time high. I avoid going out in public. I feel ashamed going to the gym. Even when I go run outside, I feel everyone is looking at the fat girl making a fool of herself. I know what they’re thinking: “Why bother, honey? You’re way too far gone!” Sometimes I hear the “me” inside screaming to get out. But her voice is so faint through all the fat…

I have started several new diet and exercise plans recently. I even get as far as preparing all the food. But then the fat me convinces myself, “what’s the use?” … and I give up … sometimes less than a day later!

But today is different. Today, July 25, 2008 is The 1st Day of the REST OF MY LIFE … Today, out loud, and in front of MYSELF, GOD, and the WORLD, (via the internet) I make this solemn vow. Today I make big changes .. and stick with them.
This is something I know that I can do if I set my mind to it. The only obstacle I face is convincing myself that I am worth it…

And though I have tried them all, last night I stumbled upon another diet (of sorts) which, believe it or not, seems to be right up my alley: “The 30 Day Trial” is the brainchild of Steve Pavlina, a motivational internet blogger. Basically, it’s a plan to trick your mind into adopting better habits. It doesn’t only need to be used for weight loss, but can be effective in any area in your life! The idea is to consciously decide to “tryout” a proposed habit for “30 days,” much like one would try out a product they were considering buying. No strings or commitments. Just a wholehearted promise to try the behavior for THIRTY DAYS. After that you’re done! And really, anyone can do pretty much ANYTHING if it’s only for 30 days, right? But the magic supposedly happens at the end of the 30 days … when you sit down and reevaluate. You have the option of walking away clean … But perhaps you liked the way you felt over the past 30 days? Perhaps you want to stick with it? Even if you decide that particular behavior is not for you, think of how healthy your body was — if not only for 30 days!

My 30 day trial starts today in the following eight activities which I think will make a positive influence on my health. After 30 days, if I don’t like doing anything on this list … oh well. No harm, no foul.

1. I will consume absolutely no alcohol
2. I will consume absolutely no caffeine
3. I will consume absolutely no added sugar, sweeteners, or other “sweets”
4. I will consume absolutely no red meat
5. I will run for at least 20 minutes every day and everyday log my mileage
6. I will be out of bed before 5:00 am every single morning
7. I will eat a healthy breakfast every morning by 5:30am
8. I will pack a healthy meal to take every time I plan to leave the house for more than 3 hours

Yes, it seems like a lot of changes, but really, most of these behaviors go hand in hand with each other, so it’s mostly a no-brainer!
Today, being the first day of the rest of my life, was also DAY 1 of my 30 Day Trial … and I can successfully “check” off all 8 items!
Just another bit of courage to push me to do it again tomorrow!

~Stay tuned…

Food Log

Exercise Log